I realize it is not my fault; it�s my brain chemistry. I just have not found the correct combination of medication. But I still felt ashamed, like I had taken two steps backward when it felt like I was finally moving forward. Matt is just so confused now. He is so determined to help me but when I get sad and weepy I don�t want him around, I�m embarrassed and just want to be alone. At the same time though I don�t want him to leave...he thinks he is confused...try being on this side of it. Here I am physically pushing him out the door as I begin to cry even harder because he is leaving!

I am just waiting for the moment when he gets tired of dating Jeckyel and Hyde and leaves me for a nice normal girl, if they exist anymore.