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November 10, 2003

4:19 p.m.: Bozo the Clown

I traveled 2 hours south this weekend to visit the family. Two things always happen when I go home, my sister and I go shopping and spend way too much money that neither one of us really has and my Mom makes some choice comments about how horrible my appearance is. She really isn�t doing it to be mean, she really believes she is doing me a favor by telling me my hair looks so bad that I should just shave my head and start over. The classic comment came two years ago when Gretchen and I met my parents for dinner (on one of the rare occasions they came up to visit me), my mom looked and me and said, �Are you trying to make yourself look unattractive these days? There are going to be cute guys in this restaurant and you are wearing overalls and a pony tail?� In the beginning I tried to fight back but now a days I don�t have the strength for it so I usually reply with something like, �I have altered my appearance purposefully so that no one will be able to tell that we are related�.

On this most recent trip, my hair was the controversial topic. I am naturally dirty blond but for the past few years I have been dying it dark reddish brown. I find that the color suits me much better. Over the last month or so I haven�t had the time or money to get it done so the color was faded and my roots, well my roots were pretty bad. But with the test and Matt troubles my hair was not exactly at the top of my list. My Mom took one look at me when I walked it and I knew I was in trouble. Apparently not only was I faded and rooty but my hair had �absolutely no luster and resembled a hay stack.� She offered to pay to get it done but I wasn�t in the mood to sit in a chair for two hours so I agreed to have her dye it for me. As if this wasn�t a big enough mistake, I also allowed her to go to the store ALONE and pick out the color.

She came home, I sat down and twenty-five minutes later I had orange hair. Not a little brassy and light but orange, like clown orange. The color she had chosen was a copper not a red and thus turned my semi-blind roots the color of Kool-Aid. I was mortified. The funniest part was that she tried to convince me that it didn�t look that bad and when that failed she got moody and said that at least it looked better then it did before she dyed it. Needless to say, I marched her back to the store and picked out a color myself and had her re-dye it. It came out fine�thank god.