I was just fine when I got there. I had successfully prepared my contribution to the potluck, a broccoli and cheese casserole and was feeling a little angry with the Matt situation rather than just hurt. So with this new feeling of recklessness I decided to have some wine�quite a bit of red wine. I should have known better. Some people when they drink become violent, some become routy, I become depressed. Even if there is no major tragedy in my life I manage to find something to be upset about.

About two hours into the party I was crying on the couch with Gretchen in front of everyone. Gretchen tried to convince my employers that I was having an allergy attack due to the cat and dog hair on the couch before ushering me out to the porch where I could sit and cry in private.

Matt was supposed to have come to the party with me and I might have been okay with being dateless except that everyone kept asking me where he was and why he hadn�t come with me�painful.

Gretchen decided to take me home early. We left right after dinner, before dessert and before the birthday celebration that I was supposed to oversee for those celebrating their days of birth in December.

I did end up talking to Matt that night. It was so good to hear his voice and discuss our week. I didn�t tell him about the travesty that was the Christmas party but I did tell him that pretty soon here he is going to have to make up hi mind about us, I just can�t go through many more weeks like the last, the waiting is just killing me. He agreed and said that he was glad that I had called. We finished with I love you�s and set up a possible time to see each other, Wednesday after his last final exam. Wish me luck.