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February 12, 2004

4:34 p.m.: Blood, Swet and Tears...but without the blood.

I found a picture of Matt and I while I was packing this morning and I began to cry. I haven�t cried about our breakup for a while now but seeing the picture reminded me just how much I miss him and just how confused I am over why we split in the first place.

So the big move commences this Saturday. I was supposed to move the 20th but I ended up renting a different apartment in the complex and this one had a sooner move in day so Saturday it is. As the day gets closer and closer I am going from excited to nervous to panicked. I still have no job and thus no means to pay my rent. I feel so guilty having my parents pay seeing as though I have been sponging off them for the last month as it is. I do however have two good prospects; both are marketing companies who are as we speak deciding on my fate with their respective companies, I should know by the end of the week whether or not I have either job.

For the last week or so I have been helping to organize my mom�s Real Estate office. She is the manger and oversees 70 agents. Knowing me to be a complete OCD case she asked me to reorganize their filing system and clean up their supply storage area. The work itself was boring yet oddly satisfying however there were other things to keep me occupied and entertained. To begin with, I have known most of the agents in the office for many years and since I have not been there in a while all them wanted to know how I was doing. My mother usually has the biggest mouth ever thus everyone always seems to know my business, knowing this I begged her not to tell anyone about me and Matt or about school. I forgot about this until the first day I went in to work at the office, all day I was asked, �so how is Matt� and �when do you start school�? In the beginning I would take the time to really give a complete answer to both but by the end of the day I was retorting, �He�s fine I guess, I really wouldn�t know he broke up with me two weeks and as for school I will be starting, oh wait, never�.

On the lighter side, I was checking my email in the computer room and afterwards checked the History file to see where other people had gone to on the web�just so happens that the person right before me was searching for fetish and �smutty� clothing. Who does a search like this at work? Especially in a non-private location. Also, one of the agents in the office is named Bo and his marketing material is all over the place. He insists on using all capital letters for his name so the flyers read, �List your home with BO�. Uh, no thanks I happen to enjoy the occasional shower.